Jane Doe 20

My story: At the age of 18 I had been in an abusive relationship for two years  and would continue to be in this relation for three more years.

I was beaten, isolated, talked down to, I no longer had my family my friends no one I could go to , no where,  I had no one or place to turn I was alone,so young and alone.

My boyfriend had taken everything from me and made himself my sole purpose in life. The first time I got pregnant was just befor my 18th birthday I was terrified, my heart was racing, my heart is racing now just thinking remembering having those feelings come back as I remember these events as I write. I went to my then boyfriend and told him  I was pregnant I told him my worries my thoughts my feelings and that night I indured beating after beating. That night I did not worry about loosing my unwanted child I worried about loosing my own life the following day I got up cleaned myself and went to school with a cracked rib,busted lip and so many bruises pretending that everything was ok all the while feeling like I was dying. I contacted my doctor and made an appointment once there my doctor was very understanding and helpful appointments where made and I was going to be heading to Fredricton for the procedure that would end this pregnancy I did not tell a soul not my family not my boyfriend no one I drove  those hours alone with my thoughts my worries and my fears once there with no help the clinic was very helpful and understanding being as I had no one to help me they had a counselor drive me back to my hotel and made sure I had her number to call if I needed anything or just to talk I will never forget that women she kept me alive that night spending hours just talking with me I was so gilt ridden with what I had done my heart hurt my head hurt my stomach hurt but most  of all my soul died a little that day.

As a women a young vibrant women I did not take the decision lightly I knew at that point in my life I could never survive with a baby I was barely making it with just myself. My ex never asked where I went those two days and he never talked about the baby that never was life just went on. I had to seek counsel I went to the only place I felt I could turn I went to a women’s church group where I spoke of my ordeal and there I was told that due to my actions and my choices God would never see me fit to forgive that because of my choice of abortion I would either not be able to conceive another child and if I do so that child would be either deformed or have mental health problems.

I was devastated and never went back. I felt so alone I didn’t know what to do so I did the only thing I could I went on with life I worked I went to school and  I STAYED  in that abusive relationship like nothing had ever happened and things started to look up my relationship started to get better I felt that maybe just maybe God was sending me a little sunshine on my dark life. I didn’t and could never forget what I had been through but things did get easier until one ill fated night when I came home late from work and my ex was drunk and angry and THAT will be the night I never forget that was the night he made me sorry for ever getting that abortion he beat and raped me over and over I was ferrite that I could have gotten pregnant so called my doctor asking for the morning after pill at the time I did not realize that I could get this simply over the counter at any pharmacy so I went to the only place I thought I could, my doctor, where I was told simply he could not see me to try a clinic I was too scared to go to a clinic and have someone there see me I was in no condition so I waited and sure enough I was pregnant again with this monsters baby and be damned if I was going to allow him to be the father to a child he forceably put inside of me. I needed out of this relationship. I needed help but for me there was no where to turn no one to speak to. I felt with my head hanging low.

I walked in to my doctors clinic demanding he see me and help me. Once I was going to be going to Fredericton but this time I wasn’t alone my exes good friend got wise to what was happening to me and stood by me and helped me for which I will forever be grateful for as for my doctor the reaction I got was so very disappointing this being my second unwanted pregnancy in so many years he straight up told me that I was doing it for attention I mean why else would a women get an abortion other than all the attention we get from it and that this time around not to go to his clinch for my follow up that he could not do it this time around so I never had a follow up after that second abortion. I was so ashamed and saddened by the events that had happened to me as a young women if there was a women’s clinic that specialized in all aspects of women’s health care from regular gyno care to counseling to abortion women would not feel like they have to hide like there is no one who cares they would not have to do it alone like at the age of 18/20 I felt I had to I was alone. I am happy to say now as a grown women I have four beautiful healthy  children and an understanding husband that knows all about my past struggles and relationship. So those church women where wrong and my ex did not rule my life.

Please government of PEI for the love of God HELP those women of the island because with out them where would you be.

Anonymous – PEI